


New Home

by joouheika



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: F/F, Manga Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-11
Updated: 2015-06-11
Packaged: 2018-04-03 21:20:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4115308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/joouheika/pseuds/joouheika
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Historia misses Ymir. [post chapter 70]</p>
            </blockquote>





	New Home

If you are in need of help it is her only desire to help you.

They herald her as a goddess of the cattle fields, the mother to lost children, their Queen of the walls. Historia has made a home here never having one herself. She understands these children well, orphans of war, abandoned and unwanted, tarnished and scarred, those from the underground and those from above it. They are her and they are hers and she is theirs and she is them. She has known an unfathomable emptiness and forgotten the gentle hands of her sister.

Ymir’s hands had not been gentle.

They’d been rough when one would pat her head or grip her shoulder as an arm was flung around them to hug her close, and tight.

Ymir was abrasive and painful, like the splinters from the fence, like the thorns from a rose.

But what lay beyond that fence and when you saw that flower and its velvet petals.

She hopes she never forgets.

If there’s anything she won’t ever forget it’s Ymir.

She hopes Ymir will return one day.

She does not pray for it.

That’s such a useless thing to her.

But sometimes the children pray, they tell her, and hold her hand, she had come for them and someone’s prayer had been answered hadn’t it?

Sometimes she hears them, and if she’s the one who hears and accepts their thanks then she who’d rejected becoming a goddess has become one anyway, of her liking or not. These prayers... in them the children say their thanks for food and a roof, they reveal their hopes and dreams for a future they didn't think existed for them, and they ask for mainly the same things- that they continue being happy by the Queen's side and that she will never leave them.

If Historia has her way all these children will grow up into adults one day and they will have to choose then, where it is they want to go, and wherever it is they wish to be, she hopes they will be there.

There is only one place she wishes to be.

It is the only place Ymir wishes to be as well.

With these vast rolling hills, the farmlands, and tall trees.

The sky both high above them and a river flowing.

The walls won’t remain forever.

Around here where her home is.

And where her home is, is Ymir’s home as well.

She has created this large household to save others, to save herself, to save Ymir. Ymir who above everyone else and herself, is who she wants to help the most. Should Ymir return home one day, they can live here together, grow old together. Maybe it’s more impossible than the tales her big sister Frieda had read to her in that book of hers, but even if that is the case, Historia doesn’t want to give up. That's how she wants to live her life. Even if she had thought at some point there was no to it meaning, she had found meaning. And Ymir had found her.

Ymir will come back. No matter how far away she’s gone, she has to. This is the only place for her.

Historia convinces herself.

Though it’s a useless thing, a futile thing, like prayer is it?

One night before bedtime, the stones lighting up the room, to be covered so all can sleep, Historia gets on her knees aside the children and holds hands with them. They are surprised, some happy to her joining, and others confused, she is their Queen and shouldn’t kneel (the older children say), she is a Goddess and a god has no need to pray to other gods (the younger pipe in), but still Historia joins hands with them. Unfamiliar with all this, when you pray you hope for the good of those you love but in doing so also wish for your own well being. If your happiness is the happiness of other’s… but that’s a little shallow to tact on the simple wishes of children who only want comfort and hope of another day. 

Not only had the night been dark to them but the day as well. It’d been found out that titans might be humans… in a nightmare. Then these children have gone through much the same. When people don’t help each other nothing good comes from it. No matter a person’s intentions or background, people should all help each other.

Ymir had helped her and asked for nothing, but wanted everything.

In the end Historia had wanted the same as Ymir.

If Ymir is with her there isn’t anything she cannot do.

Then.

Historia will just pretend Ymir is here already, so she can pray if she wants, however-

What Historia wants to pray for is for Ymir to be happy...

That dummy... she had run off leaving Historia behind, deciding that is what would keep Historia safe and happy, deciding that all on her own and putting her own desires aside. That wasn't what Ymir truly wants and that isn't what Historia truly wants. What Historia wants is Ymir. What Historia wants is for Ymir to live selfishly, freely, as she should.

Since that’s what Historia has decided to do for herself as well.

Historia is at a loss, what should she do?

Her hands tighten around the hands of the children’s, they hold hers just the same.

She’s stupid.

It’s obvious isn’t it?

Historia does not bow her head forward as they do but holds it high.

She’s going to pray to her goddess.

She'll pray to Ymir for Ymir.

And for herself.


End file.
